yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
