I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize