Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
