mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
