I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Come on in and take your pants off
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