But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
