I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
