if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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