just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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