What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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