went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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