I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
