It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
