I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
