the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
