Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
