How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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