Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize