Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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