my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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