I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
