I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
