I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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