I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
