dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
