im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
