Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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