I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
