I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
