did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
