So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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