I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
