I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He did a backflip because drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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