U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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