and my herpes radar will keep us safe
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize