it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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