Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
