true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
