Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i now understand why vodka
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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