i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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