OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
