I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
