I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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