Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
