You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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