guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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