So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
