We named our party play list daddy issues
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize