As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
