I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
