So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i will never coherently bang her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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