Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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