My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
