she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
