Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
