I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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