you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
