i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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