Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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