I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
