Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
