I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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