I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
