please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
