Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
